Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The End of Suffering

 

The young one’s sighs; the mother’s tears, 

The father’s cries; the old man’s fears.

Suffering - Oh it I can’t take;

But suffering - Oh! It is here to stay!

 

Buddha said desire’s the vice;

For Mohammed - a way to Paradise,

The Hindu says : Karma!

Maybe the next life’s not so dire.

 

The young bride lifts her head,

Lying on her wedding bed.

‘Tis here that her dreams will rust;

The bridegroom has turned to dust.

 

If desire; then no end to pain,

Not to desire is a desire again!

If Paradise it will assure:

Give me more! Give me more!

 

The little girl cries; lets out a sigh,

The cancer has spread; death is nigh.

Her body hurts with her every move;

But Mother’s heart aches much more!

 

If this is life, then kill me; Arise.

You may just send me to Paradise!

Or to peace that the next life hosts,

The Christian tells me it’s a hoax!

 

The father – Oh so loud he cried;

His young son had just died.

Oh! Had the killer not stabbed twice,

His hope in old age would have survived!

 

Life doesn’t end here; there’s eternity.

Suffer you have to; a fallen world’s not the best.

A few years on this side, on the other - infinity!

Live here as you ought to, and focus on the next.

 

For maybe there is purpose and form;

To all the suffering that you have borne.

Maybe it wasn’t because of what you had done,

Maybe there’s a reason one cannot fathom!

 

One day will I it fully understand;

When in front of my Master I stand!

Then it will all make perfect sense I know;

Things now am too naïve to comprehend!

flash animation downloaded from www.gieson.com

Sunday, August 16, 2009

What a mighty God we serve!

This is a true story, that was published in one of the Duncan hospital annual reports. Read on.

She looked very calm and peaceful as she lay on the bed; though the endo-tracheal tube and the soft purring of the ventilator didn’t quite fit into the picture. The whole medical team looked intently on her face. The small beads of sweat on her forehead shone brilliantly in the glow of the fluorescent lamps lighting the ICU. A nurse started wiping her face. All of a sudden the girl made a snorting noise and her eyes popped out. For a moment every one stood stunned. Nobody knew what to do. But when she started pulling out the endo-tracheal tube, one of the doctors shouted, “She needs to be restrained.” And then after a short discussion with the team added, “We have to paralyze her. Her lungs need rest.”

Go back a couple of hours and you see this 16 year old newly married girl standing beside a field covered with water. This year it had rained so much that water had begun to fill up all potholes and farms. It was a rare sight. What if she had epilepsy? She was still going to see it. Now did she forget her medication or was she off them for a while? We do not know. What we do know is that she dragged her baby sister with her to see this splendid scene. And as she stood there at the edge of the field now filled up to the brim with water she threw a fit. She fell in such a manner that her head was within the water while her body remained outside.

There she lay fitting away and there was not a soul in sight except the little girl who had accompanied her. Now, what can a little girl do especially when a person is having convulsions? She tried to pull her out of the water but abandoned the idea when she realized she was not making any progress. Time for plan B. So she ran towards their house, met some people on the way and brought them to the field. Together they pulled her out and tried all they could to make her bring out all the water that had gotten in by now. When she did not open her eyes they knew it was time to go to the hospital.

That’s how Seema* ended up in Duncan hospital. She was hardly breathing when she arrived in the Emergency. And though she was promptly intubated she did not respond well as her lungs were filled with water. Soon she was shifted to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU.)

No, that is not where our story began. Within a few hours of admission, she arrested. No respiration. No heart rate. In plain English, she died. Cardio pulmonary resuscitation was initiated and after fifteen minutes which seemed like an hour, she started breathing spontaneously. Everyone there was so fascinated! The nurses, the doctors; in fact the whole team stood around the bed wide eyed. She started struggling against the tube and lines, and it was decided that she needed to be paralyzed. Now that is where our story began.

As the team dispersed for the night nobody expected to see Seema alive the next morning. On making rounds in the morning, they came to her bed, and lo and behold there was the girl sitting up and smiling without any tube in her mouth! Now one can conjure a hundred different hypotheses as to what had happened. But ask any one of the people who stood around the bed that day and you would hear, “This was the Lord’s doing. And it is marvelous in our eyes.” And that is what they told the girl. She and the family listened intently as somebody shared the gospel.

The floods brought us a lot of misery. There were crops destroyed, people left stranded without homes and sickness thrived. Many succumbed to cholera and other waterborne diseases. Snakebites claimed many lives. But we are so glad that among all that, it pleased the Lord to send this lovely girl here and work His wonder in her so that we could all realize and proclaim once again, “What a mighty God we serve.”

*not her real name

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Life

L i f e


Life, it feels so easy when you're a child,

Though born into a world so big and so wild.

What worry is, you do not know;

When love is all you need to know.

New relationships are made by just a smile,

And a little crying gets you anything worthwhile.


When you're hurt, when you are scared,

To your mamma you run, crying.

And in her warmth all your fears, all your dread;

Melt like ice and your heart, it becomes so light.

The sore limb feels better, and you smile;

Because you're scared not a longer while.


The years like minutes pass by, and you grow up;

A child this moment, a responsible adult the next.

People, situations, relationships come along they all,

You're grown up and think you can take them all.

People change, relationships break and like ever,

Luck, she seldom seems to do you any favour.


You want to run, you want to hide;

But big boys don't run to their mothers and cry.

All that trouble leaves you lonesome and weary;

With a heart that's heavy and a feeling so dreary.

In despair you cry into your pillow all night;

Promising, tomorrow you'll come up with all might.


You hear a voice deep inside; powerful but mild,

Reminding you, you're grown up; no more a child.

It says you'll get over it like a hero true.

And you cry yourself to sleep hoping it's all true,

Wishing you still were a little child,

In your own little world gone wild.

Monday, July 20, 2009

The Rhyme of the Limping Kittens

The Rhyme of the Limping Kittens



There was just the three of them;

One was the mother, the other two kittens.

Came into my room the other day,

Scratching my toes and nibbling at them

The kittens made my day a very happy one.



I opened my door and out ran one;

And before I could stop down it went.

All three floors and just one more;

Before it kissed mother earth hard.

It gave a fit and then lay still.



I thought it had died but they;

Say that a cat has nine lives.

It moved, though after a while;

And while it strained to walk with a limp

I was grateful I had the other imp.



That one I named Sasha, and full of life was she;

She pulled its tail and bit its ear,

Though its response wasn't very clear.

What a joy it was to watch them play;

Sasha and the kitten that limped away.



And then it happened, Sasha fell;

Not unlike her brother just had.

It broke my heart to see her limp.

No longer did she scratch my toes or nibble at them,

My day thus ended a very sad one.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Fisherman Blues


Umesh saw the young lad lurking behind the beached catamarans. He would have been in his late teens. He recognized him. But he didn't have time to mess with him. He had more important things to do. Today he could not catch a single fish, and he didn't quite like his food without a dish of fish. And now he had developed this bad cough. He couldn't afford to go to a hospital. He hoped it would clear by itself.

"Hallo sir," he calls after a group of tourists. "You want to go for seeing fishing? I fishing with big lines. Big fish seeing." he tries speaking English. "I put bait on line and waiting for big fish to catch. 500 rupees only. We can also cook and eat fish we catching," he adds. The tourists walk away. They pretend not to hear him. He looks away dejected. "Maybe it's the cough that drives them away," he thinks.

He can't go deep into the sea anymore as his fishing net needs to be repaired. It would cost him at least a thousand rupees to mend it. He is not in the pink of health either. He has hardly got enough money to buy food for his family. And since Bakt left home, things have been different. He isn't sure if things are better now than they were when he was around. He would give the family some money once in a while and that would help them tide over a specific need. But he always got into so much trouble, Umesh was glad he was gone. It meant there was one less person to be fed from the fruits of his hard work. "I shouldn't be saying that," he thought, "After all he is my son."

Umesh had some clear cut goals to achieve in his recent future. One was to mend his fishing net. The other was to buy a motor for his catamaran. The other fishermen had motors and they could go deep into the sea for the catch of their lives. Even the tourists seemed to favour motorized catamarans. They were always busy, and wanted to get the most of everything in as little time as possible. And they always paid half the price the fishermen asked for. Foreign tourists used to pay more. But the advent of the internet had been bad for the fishermen. It meant people from all over the world could discuss anything and that included even the fares for a boat ride from the beach. Over the years Umesh had seen tourists from other countries bargain for their price while in the early days they usually paid whatever he asked them for. Times were changing. And they were changing for the worse. He needed money. And he needed it real bad.

The boy tried to make eye contact with him. He looked away. Umesh knew the boy was one of Bakt's friends. He had a lot of friends. And they were all bad. He wished his boy had never been in the company of such rotten tramps. They had always been dirty, these urchins. But Bakt seemed to have a special liking for them. Wherever he went he would make friends with the meanest of the lot. And now he was paying for his deeds. He saw the boy closing in on him. He couldn't remember his name. Didn't want to. He was just one of those people who made a savage out of his boy. The boy greeted him. Umesh nodded. The boy looked at him quizzically and said, "Of course you heard about last night." Umesh didn't want to strike a conversation with anybody. It was evening and he still hadn't tasted fish the whole day. His wife and his three daughters would have cooked some vegetables from whatever money they got that day selling shells on the beach. But he was a fisherman, and food for him meant fish. He nodded again. "So what are you going to do about it?" asked the lad. "About what?" Umesh opened his mouth for the first time.

"You know, about Bakt," came the reply. "What about him?" asked Umesh. "Oh. So you have heard nothing about it," said the lad. It was true. He had heard nothing about last night. In fact he didn't hear of anything that happened in the settlement anymore. He didn't have many friends. He was just a poor fisherman, with a loser for a son. He wished Bakt was more responsible and at least help him with his work, if not go fishing all alone. The new generation was lost. Totally lost. And the insurgence of tourists was to be blamed for it.

"You heard nothing about Bakt?" the lad's voice brought him back to the present. "What happened? Did he die?" asked Umesh, his face devoid of any expression. "No," came the reply, "They caught him with the stuff." "You mean the police arrested him for possessing drugs?" asked Umesh between coughs. "Well, you know what I mean," said the boy. "And you? Are you here to tell me the story of your daring escape?" asked Umesh. "I quit their company ages ago," replied the lad. "You are all evil. Young devils. You lead my son into the state he is in right now and when you found things were not happening the way you wanted them to, you quit. My poor son is addicted to that stuff. You hear that? He is addicted. He cannot quit," roared Umesh. "That's exactly what I am here for," replied the lad, "I know Bakt very well. He is so childlike. They are exploiting his naïveté. You have to save him." "Save him? Even God almighty can't save him. He is not my son anymore. I don't have a son by that name. Anyway, a stint in jail would serve him well. At least he won't be able to do drugs there," said Umesh. The boy smiled.

"Have you ever been to jail?" he asked in his casual manner. "That is the place for the likes of you. I have had nothing to do with it my whole life," replied Umesh. The young lad raised his voice, "I have been to jail. Okay? I have been there and I know exactly what happens there. And that's why I am asking you to save him. They have a steady supply of the stuff there in jail. People go there and become more addicted, that is if they don't die of an overdose." Umesh was not used to being spoken to so sternly. "So what do you want me to do?" he asked earnestly. "Bail him out if you can," came the quick reply. Now it was Umesh's turn to smile. He smiled at his own incompetence. He was so helpless. Here he was, unable to even buy food for himself and his son's friend was asking him to bail his son out. "I would have thought of it, if only I had the money. But then again I could buy something good to eat for my family with that money. Tell you what? You and your evil friends got him into this. Now you find a way to get him out of there," he told the boy. The lad shrugged his shoulders and walked away.

Umesh tried to put the whole conversation behind his back. His chest and his tummy hurt from the incessant bouts of cough. The sun had set at the horizon but there was still the fading twilight. He wanted to check his net for the final time. He was lucky. Two big crabs were caught in the net. Now he could eat something from the sea for supper. He snapped away the crabs' legs with ease and then carried everything home. It would soon be dark.

He found his mind wandering back in time. Maybe he himself was to be blamed for the state his son was in. Bakt had been born after his three daughters, the long awaited son of the family. They had doted on him, and in fact had spoiled him from an early age. He used to get everything he wanted. Umesh would even take him into the sea just for a ride on his catamaran. He knew it was dangerous but the little boy would cry incessantly till all his demands were met. He remembered how Bakt had dropped out of school at an early age. He didn't like the teachers. Bakt was the master of his own spirit. He believed in doing things the way he wanted and when he wanted. He wouldn't go with Umesh to the sea. That was too demeaning for him. His father's job was demeaning for him. He used to hang around with the tourists.

He boasted that he could talk in five different foreign tongues. Bakt believed he was better off with his tourist friends than he was at school. And he even tried to convince his father in those lines. He was nice to the tourists and they seemed to fancy him too. Once he had told Umesh that a German friend would arrange a job for him and take him out of the country. He was always in his own dream world. Someone had taught him to play the guitar, and had even bought him a brand new instrument. He practised on this for years and finally was singing at the beach, entertaining tourists. Umesh would try to get his son to go fishing with him but to no avail. He was so indifferent that once when Umesh fell ill, he didn't even come home. He spent almost an entire week at the beach with his friends, while his family starved. Bakt used to hand over some money to his mother, whenever he had excess of it, which was not very often. Umesh wondered what he did with the money, as he was sure the tourists paid him well.

Soon Bakt was becoming a rock star. At least that is what he told his family. He said he was going to make it big. He took pride in the fact that he could talk English as fluent as an Englishman. And he even challenged his friends to point out any difference in his speech from that of an Englishman. The tourists used to give him some music tapes and he would listen to them and practise songs so well that he really sounded like the voice on the tape. As his popularity increased, he started talking about how important alcohol and drugs were for the acceptance of a musician. Umesh had tried to prevent him from joining a rock band in the city. But before he knew it, he was in the band, the members of which looked like they were right out of hell. He was back at the beach with his band, singing at the various bars, and restaurants.

The tourist crowd he was involved with changed pretty soon and Umesh watched helplessly as he found his boy singing with acknowledged drug addicts. He closed his eyes or looked the other way when he saw his son peddling drugs. Finally Bakt discovered that whatever amount he earned couldn't suffice to buy the drugs he needed. He resorted to the next easier thing to make money. Stealing. Soon the village branded him a thief and exiled him. And now he was under arrest. The next few months Umesh noticed a burning desire to go meet his son. He wanted him back, whatever state he was in. He loved him. He was his son after all. They hadn't seen each other for such a long time. But their relationship had not been the best of the kind.

His cough had gotten better and he reckoned he could go fishing deep into the sea soon. But the net had become worse. He now spread the net near the rocks and that meant fewer fish. One day as he sat debating whether he should go to see Bakt or not, he caught sight of the young lad who had told him about Bakt's arrest. He walked slowly towards Umesh. Umesh was very excited. He ran to the lad and asked him, "Son do you have any news from my boy?" The young lad looked at him. "They are letting him go free today. I heard they were impressed by his behaviour in prison. He has changed a lot, your son."

Umesh didn't think twice. He put on his best clothes and took the next bus to the city. He waited outside the prison gates. It was a long wait. But he didn't have the nerve to go inside. He hated the prison. That was where the filth of the society loitered, whiling away time to get out and pollute the world again. He couldn't imagine what his son would say to him. He didn't know how he would react to his presence. He waited. Finally, the gates opened and out walked his sweet boy. His long hair was cropped very short and the rings on his ears were gone. Bakt saw his father. There were tears in his eyes. Umesh's heart melted when he saw the tears streaming down his son's face. He ran towards him with arms wide open and hugged him. "Come home, my son, your family is waiting for you," cried Umesh. Bakt didn't answer.

He didn't open his mouth even as they reached home. Umesh didn't care. His son had changed. He knew that Bakt wasn't his old self. His mother and his sisters ran to greet him. He just stood there staring at the ground. Though he returned their hugs, he seldom opened his mouth. Umesh attributed it to his guilt. He explained to his son that nobody was perfect and that it was more important to realize that one had gone wrong and correct oneself. Bakt just nodded. Umesh couldn't shake off the feeling that Bakt still did drugs. He didn't want to believe it. And he wasn't mean enough to spy on him. He sure didn't look like he was on drugs. But Umesh could never satisfy his curiosity. He wouldn't dare ask Bakt about it. Bakt spent most of his time in the shack, playing his guitar.

One day Bakt went out. He never told anybody where he was going. When he came back, he handed his mother an envelope. She opened it to find a lot of money inside. He told her it was for the family. She hugged him and ran to give Umesh the good news. The next day the son took the father to the hospital at the city. He was diagnosed with Tuberculosis, and was started on medicines. Bakt insisted that they buy the medicines for the entire course of treatment at the onset, but the doctor informed him that the government gave the drugs free of cost, and that the patient had to get them himself from the dispensary. Then Bakt took his father to a store and bought him a new net. He bought him all the accessories that he needed, and then he bought a motor. Umesh could not help but wonder where all the money came from. But he didn't ask his son. He was glad his son had finally taken the family's responsibilities on his shoulders. As the duo neared home, Bakt ordered a brand new catamaran, saying the old one had served its purpose, and it was high time they got a new one. That was one of the best days in Umesh's life. He didn't care if his boy never looked at him on the face when he talked. He no longer wanted him to smile. His son had become responsible, and that was enough for him.

That evening, as he prepared to get his catamaran out into the sea, Umesh was intercepted by his son. He told his father that now it was his turn to go fishing. Umesh's could not believe his ears. His son who detested his job so much was offering to do it in his stead. He knew that Bakt had enough experience on the catamaran. He had taken tourists into the sea on trips so often. He blessed him and stood on the beach, watching him paddle away. He stood there watching his son, till the sun went down. Then he went home and slept. He never saw his son again.

Monday, November 5, 2007

FAMILY MAN

Author: A. J. Mathew

The sun had never looked so beautiful. Ever. It seemed to be a disc of flattened bright orange candy. You could see it one moment between the leaves of the palms swaying in the breeze, and the next, it disappeared behind them. The blue waves crashed onto the beach frothing into the finest white, drawing funny shapes on the sand, and taking away whatever litters that remained, together with the crabs that seemed to scramble for their dear lives, sideways. The river wound its way down the hills and wandered aimlessly between the palm trees for a while before finally joining the sea. I watched as a couple of dolphins jumped out from the sea into the air and went back down. The bright orange disc that was the sun sank serenely into the water at the horizon. I enjoyed the look of happiness and sheer thrill on the face of my son building his first sand castle. It was all and more than what one could expect from a vacation. But there were tears in my eyes.

I read the note again. I remember the first time I met Shanti Malhotra as if it were only yesterday. But it would have been about three months back. And she had been in a lot of pain, emotional and physical. But I could vouch that the former had been more severe compared to the latter. Her husband had brought her to the clinic to see me. She seemed to be depressed, and irritated. I wouldn’t blame her; I would have been in much worse a shape had I been in her shoes. Tall and graceful, and young, having seen the world for hardly over three decades, she had been diagnosed with a recurrence of cancer of the breast. And this time it had spread through her body. There was nothing more that could be done for her at the specialty hospital in the city, so she had been brought home. But the pain had forced her to come to my humble clinic in search of me.

The first meeting had been rather uneventful but I could say we had bonded pretty well, for soon she was back for more treatment, symptomatic mainly. She struck me as a hermit crab coming out of its shell. You just disturb the water and it withdraws into its shell. A few more visits and her outlook brightened considerably. On one such visit she told me, “Doctor Sa’ab, I know I have before me, only a fraction of the days that are now behind me. But I have never been happier in my ordeal with this illness than I am right now. And you have made my last days something worth remembering.” Now, I have had many people say a lot of nice things about me. And I never give much importance to what they say. That’s what a doctor’s profession is all about. You do whatever you can to help; in other words you do your job, and you emerge a life giver. But that was the first compliment I had received from a patient who hardly had time left to fulfil even a little bit of her dreams; a person who was dying and knew that she was dying. It is sure hard to forget a compliment like that, let alone forget the person from whom it had emanated.

The first time she said that I bet there were tears in my eyes. “And it’s because of you, and the way you have dealt with me. I have been to a lot of doctors, even to some of the big names in the country, but you have been different. Very different indeed,” she said another time. And then she asked, “What is it that makes you so different?” “Well you tell me,” said I trying to think of an answer. I was just being myself. I didn’t know what she saw in me that made her happy; struck her as different. “Well, actually I don’t know. I think it’s just the way you relate to me. You know, specialists see me as a patient, and I do not blame them. They see tens of dying patients a day and I am just one of them. But you talked to me as if I were somebody close to you, like I was your family. How do you do that?”
That got me thinking, and at Shanti’s next visit I was ready with what I thought could be the answer. “Shanti, I think I found why I seem to be different from the other doctors you’ve met. Maybe it’s because I learned a small but fairly important lesson pretty early on in life,” I said. “I don’t understand,” complained Shanti. “Here, let me give you a first hand account of the whole thing,” I said as I proceeded to take a file off my chest of drawers. “These are some pages from the diary I used to write when I was a little boy. They contain something that I now believe has shaped my life. Here see for yourself.”

February 16
It was just another mundane day. Went to school as usual. Mrs. Dey was on leave. I was happy for that. Didn’t have to hear her constant drone. Mrs. Das took the class instead. She was no great substitute either. But still it was a much needed change. Hope Mrs. Dey goes on leave more often. After class Ramu Kaka picked me up in the jeep. We drove straight to Papa’s clinic. Sat there listening to what the patients had to say till about 6 in the evening, as usual. And then we all drove back home. Oh yeah, something struck me as strange today. There was this woman who had come to the clinic with a baby. Something was wrong with the baby. Ah, I forget what it was. I should write down new things as soon as I hear them. Or I get back home, sit in front of my diary and forget what I had heard then. Like now. Lutema…. Yeah Lutema is what I think it was. That’s what Papa told the woman her son was suffering from. I will never forget the look on the woman’s face. She didn’t cry. But I think it would have been better if she had cried. She looked very scared. Helpless. That’s the word. She had the look that our cat Momo has when it gets cornered by Shilpa aunty’s dog. Waiting for somebody to come and get her out of the spot. Well at that instant Ramu Kaka called me out for an ice cream and I had to run out. By the time I came back, both the woman and the child were gone. I wanted to ask Papa about that but he was so busy I didn’t want to disturb him and then I forgot all about it till now. I guess it is something like chicken pox. And the mother was scared she would catch it too. I heard somebody say that it can kill adults while we kids escape with some scars, like the one on my face. Will have to ask mummy tomorrow about what it was. Have a math test tomorrow. Have prepared well for it but I hope Mr. Paul gives us an easy test. And hope the baby returns tomorrow with his mother.

February 17
…………No sign of the baby. Asked mummy what Lutema means. She said there is no such thing. Papa was busy today as well and when he gets the time, I tend to forget to ask him. Mrs. Dey is back. Don’t teachers fall sick for more than a day? It is so much fun when they go on leave. Math test was okay.

February 18
……..Didn’t see the baby today either. I think he is okay, whatever it was that he suffered from. Asked Papa about Lutema. He says there is no such illness. I am sure I heard him say that word. Maybe it was something else. He gave me a lot of terms but nothing that I think was the one he used that day for the baby’s illness. He doesn’t remember that baby. You can’t expect a child specialist to remember all the babies he sees in a day. And this had been some days back. Will point him out to Papa when the baby comes again………

February 19
….No sign of the baby. Mummy says I am brooding over that baby more than I should. She says the baby would be alright wherever he was. Or else his mother would have brought him to the clinic. Maybe she is right. Maybe the mother brought the baby to the clinic before I arrived from school. I sure hope he is fine…..

February 22
Played football the past two days, with the guys. It was fun. But it saps your strength. I think I will stick to reading comics than exert so much and fall ill. I couldn’t even stay up to write my diary the last few days. School is the usual. I think I will ask Papa if I could go to some other school. St. John’s was so much fun. But they don’t have good teachers there according to Papa. This place is much more expensive and all the children of Papa’s friends study here. But I think I liked my old school better.

February 23
……..I am running out of comics. Superhero comics are the best. I will get more from Arvind tomorrow. Wonder if you get bitten by a spider, you can really climb walls. I know it is just a story but I sometimes wish it was true. It would be so much fun. Swinging away to school and to play. I even put a big spider on my hand today for a long time. I now believe spiders don’t bite. Maybe you need to be born in another planet to be a superhero. Wish I had some power, some small power that the other guys didn’t have. The next time Ramesh bullies one of my friends I could have used my powers. It just doesn’t work…………….

March 2
Today was a very sad day. I had completely forgotten about the baby all these days. But today I saw the child with his mother again. Today she cried. The baby looked so frail and so ill. Papa remained his usual cool self. But when I told him that this was the baby I had talked about he explained his illness to me. He had leukaemia. That was blood cancer. He was going to die. And there was nothing much a doctor could do. I never knew babies died like that. Death in an accident is explainable. But an illness that could kill! I don’t know. I thought a baby became a grown up and then died. This is so not right. If he had to die so soon why did he have to be born? And Papa talked to the woman so casually. As if her baby just had fever. I could never make out he was talking to a woman about her little son who was going to die soon. Die as a baby. The world is so cruel. But my Papa is very understanding. I wanted to talk to him today about it. He was very busy today. I can’t get this thing off my mind. I wonder if I fell ill with leukaemia, Papa would talk to me like that, and call out the name of the next patient. I am sure he wouldn’t. But I really thought he was like that to his patients as well. I have to talk to him.

March 3
Wanted to talk to Papa last night but fell asleep as soon as I finished my diary entry. So woke up Papa early in the morning and asked him if he would deal with me the same way he dealt with the baby with leukaemia if I had the same illness. We talked for a long time. Papa tried to explain to me how different family was from professional acquaintances. That’s what he called his patients. But I argued saying the boy was somebody’s child and he was going to die. He surely deserved more love and care. But Papa wouldn’t agree with me. He told me I was too young to understand all that. I hate it when people say I am too young. I wish I could grow up overnight. It is so irritating when you go to a store and the man says, “What is it that you want sonny?” And the to young man next to you, he says, “Yes sir?” Too young. Too young to understand. Too young to argue. I am not going to talk to Papa about it ever again.

March 15
Today my little sister Sasha fell ill. Her body was so hot with fever; I was scared she was going to die. The face of the little boy still haunts me. Papa looked after her so well. I am now convinced that if I ever develop leukaemia he will take good care of me. Why can’t he give a quarter of the attention he gives his daughter to his patient, a boy who is going to die? I really wish he did. At least my sister is not going to die. That’s what mummy told me.

March 16
I am convinced beyond any doubt that my father will take good care of me. Today Sasha had fits. It was scary. But mummy said there was nothing to worry. She said little babies get it when their fever gets high. She wiped her body with a cloth soaked in water. But Papa came home as soon as she rang him up. He shut down his clinic for the day and sat beside Sasha all the time. Now I also know that he didn’t have even the smallest of his feelings towards Sasha for the boy with leukaemia. I don’t know if that is normal. I don’t know if it’s alright. I sure don’t think so. Maybe I am wrong. After all, I really am too young to think about all that. But I hope I am not wrong. And if I become a doctor when I grow up, I promise I will take care of my patients like Papa took care of Sasha today.

Both Shanti and I wiped the tears from our eyes. I had read from these leaves of my old diary so many times over the years. But they had never moved me the way they did that day. I knew they were mighty important but I didn’t realize the significance they had till Shanti made me search for it. It made her all the happier and she looked forward to enjoy her last days on earth.
My eyes welled with tears as I read the note again for the umpteenth time. It was from Shanti’s husband. It said, “…………She never talked about her death. But she adored you very much. She would have really wanted you to be there at her funeral.” That was another compliment I received that I will remember for a long, long time.

A giant wave hit the beach sweeping my little boy off his feet. My heart skipped a beat. I let out a sigh as my baby boy leapt up again in delight. Maybe Papa was right. My family is indeed much more important than any acquaintance. Maybe I was wrong. I am still too young to understand.

MY FRIEND

Oft I’d been annoyed by the looks of a man;
The way he talked, he spoke, or thought.
“Cant stand the way he looks, he walks,
He talks” – Seemed to be my favorite speak.
And now my friend I tell you how it all came to cease.








'Twas just another day in my busy life,
When in walked this great young man.
He was a person I liked and soon
Became much great and close a friend.
As for me there was never a happier man.








But the philosophy of my life kept its pace;
And soon it started all again,
“Cant stand the way he looks, he walks,
He talks” – Seemed to be my favourite speak.
It ended in my telling him something I now wish I never did.


“Poof” – He vanished the moment I said;
A messenger of the Almighty stood in his stead.
My knees gave way and I trembled.
“Do not be afraid”, said he, “For I’ve come to tell”,
“Your friend was, in another form, you yourself!”




A.J. MATHEW
February 6, 2005


THE LONELY HOUSE




Author: A.J. Mathew
Email: ajmat_2000@yahoo.com

“And we always used to be scared to walk in front of the haunted building,” said Tom’s grandfather, sipping a cup of coffee. “Even during the day we could hear strange noises from the house. We used to stay half a mile away from the house. At night the screams could startle you from sleep”, continued grandpa. “The complaints to the local police fell on deaf ears. Once a policeman took the courage to search the house but he was never seen again.” There was a twinkle in his eyes and Tom wondered if it was because of respect for the martyr or was his grandpa really scared? “So you say there was a woman in the house, right?” asked Tom. “She has been there for ages,” said grandpa. “It is said that she never grows old. But I believe that the old witch is dead and the new woman is one of her preys. She chooses a prey to continue here reign of terror in people’s hearts. For this she trains the new woman and thus she becomes immortal. She doesn’t have an ear and I believe she cuts away the ears of all her victims as a sign of her terror.

Tom could not believe this. Tom was a teenager in high school and had a special liking for his grandfather. His grandpa used to tell him splendid stories of his experiences in life and used to advise Tom quite a bit. And Tom trusted his grandpa. But here was something Tom just couldn’t believe. A ghost in grandpa’s native town! Grandpa was talking about a haunted house in the suburbs of Charleston, West Virginia where he was brought up. What triggered the discussion was the article that came in the local newspaper about a businessman who had gone missing. His car had been found abandoned just in front of the haunted house. The article also had a photograph of the house, which brought a wave of recollection to Grandpa’s mind. All said and done Tom quickly forgot all about his interesting conversation with his grandfather.

Years went by and Tom’s much-loved grandpa became history. Tom started working as an agent in the FBI. Then it happened again. A businessman, a car and the same old story he had heard from his grandpa. This sudden recollection of his grandpa’s words somewhat frightened Tom. He began to think there could be some evil force behind this because of the very fact that he had not remembered something interesting like this all through the years. But still Tom wanted to prove his grandfather’s theory of the woman training other women to keep alive the reign of terror right. He took up the case.

Tom reached the town, as it was getting dark. Suddenly his car skidded out of control. He swerved to the right and came to a stop in the opposite direction. Thankful that he was still alive, he didn’t mind a woman clad in white staring at him while he got out of the car. But the look in her eyes puzzled him. She was neither concerned nor happy. She had a strange expression on her face. She came near him and told him that he could rest in her house for the night. Tom was only happy to accept this kind invitation as it was already dark and the place seemed to be lonely. He tried to figure out how his car had skidded but was baffled, as he could find absolutely no reason. He dismissed it as trivial and decided to accompany the woman to her house. But suddenly the truth dawned on him. He had come there to investigate a murder that was supposed to be one of the many murders committed by a woman. He didn’t exactly know where she stayed though. As he was thinking his eyes fell on her face. Then he realized why he had felt something was wrong when he saw her first. She didn’t have an ear. Tom just sprinted back to his car with the woman at his heels. She caught him by the hand and bared her teeth. She had teeth as those of a vampire. Tom didn’t know what to do but out of instinct he threw her to the side.

Neither he nor she had noticed the truck coming behind them. Tom jumped to the side but his assailant couldn’t make it. He heard a bloodcurdling scream. He looked at the woman now covered in blood, her white clothes a scarlet red. She didn’t move. He didn’t wait for anything else. He jumped into his car before the truck driver could figure out who he was and sped away from the place all drenched in sweat. He didn’t stop his car till he was an hour away from the place. Then he got out at a fast-food restaurant and had a pizza and a drink. Before he realised, he was home. The next morning the headline in the newspaper said “WOMAN FOUND DEAD IN THE SAME SPOT AS THE YOUNG BUSINESSMAN”. But the report didn’t say her teeth were abnormal or that she could have been the murderer who was brutally killing people who crossed her path. In his heart Tom thanked his grandpa, and was glad to be alive. The case was dismissed as an accident.

About two years later the same newspaper reported the murder of an FBI agent named Thomas…… same spot, a car that had skidded, the only difference was that this time the body had been found. Both his ears were missing!